Rain.

I love rain.
And it is raining in "sunny" Brisbane at the moment.

I didn't want to get out of bed this morning.
I could have listened to the rain on the coro roof all day.

Jealousy

Well today I discovered that I am (at this moment at least) jealous of everyone and everything that is spending time with my girlfriend.

Don't like the feeling and I trust her enough to know that my fears are unfounded. But it is there.
I will get over it but for now I don't like what I'm feeling.
No wonder they call it the big green monster, it can just start over nothing, and grows on more nothings. It is fed from your own insecurity, and it is a self perpetuating beast.

I know my fears are unfounded and so I will deal with my jealousy.
Just wish I could hug that girl.
Sigh.

Things I Learnt Last Night

1: Opening the bin and having maggots fall on your hand is off putting to say the least.
2: Pulling off the lid of the bin and having it covered in maggots can make you throw up a little in your mouth.
3: Ants like maggots.
4: The smell of rotting food is unmistakable.
5: A bit in a tropica climate needs to be changed more than once a week.

Life

For the first time, I think, ever I felt like I was wrking just for the money.
With no social life in this new city (because everything has closed down for the holidays) I have found myself being sad and sitting at home doing little.
Along with my run of bad luck I am a bit unhappy at the moment.
It will turn around and I just need to give it time.
But for today I will be sad, for tomorrow I will be happy.

No Luck

Well I have no luck at the moment.

A bookcase and my desk were killed by the movers.
My car got crashed into when I was in a line of traffic, which pushed me into the car in front.
My Amp died, but came back to life enought to get sound through it, but not video.
My computer power supply died, so that is why I have been a bit lax on the blogging and Facebok stuff.

Oh well.
I won $7 on a scratchy so my luck is turning.
I hope.

Self Contemplation

The fluro light flickered on above his head as he moved into the kitchen. He needed light sometimes. Trying to make a sandwich in the dark was a hazardous prospect. Knives are sharp and luncheon meat is slippery.

Opening the fridge he sighed. He didn’t need this food, and realistically he knew this, but he had no will power to stop himself. This was why he was fat.
Well he thought he was fat, everyone else pretended he wasn’t but he knew he was.
He jiggled when he ran, and that was just wrong. He knew he needed an attitude adjustment to overcome his mental weakness, but once again will power stoped him. If only he was strong enough.

Closing the fridge door he had the loaf of bread in his hand. He would go back and get the butter and sauce. Should he finish up the Devon? He figured he would. It was too much for the two sandwiches he had planned on making, so he would just have to pile it on.

You fat bastard.

The thought rolled through his head as he made his “snack”. It would have been most people’s dinner, and a big one at that. But for him it was a snack. True dinner was quite small so maybe he could justify this to himself.
No. No he couldn’t. Not when he didn’t need the food.

You fat bastard.

It didn’t matter how many times he told himself he would still eat away, till the plate was clean. He couldn’t help himself. His parents had “taught” him too well. Trying to change the habit of a life time is very difficult.

Tomorrow he would try to start eating less. Even as he thought this he knew he wouldn’t. He just had too much time on his hands to try and stop eating. So get out of the house, but why when you liked being at home as much as he did. The home life suited him. He liked the gardening, and had bought his lounge for the specific reason that it was so comfortable.

Oh well. He wasn’t happy with his body shape, but he accepted it. He would continue to try and change his ways and maybe one day he would. He hoped so. He would try and find a gym and the motivation to go to it. He would find some sport and participate in it. He would do these things and he would see if he changed shape.

Perhaps one day he would.
Perhaps.

I have moved

So I am now in Brisbane.
I have a house to rent, or at least I will soon, I paid the first two weeks rent today to secure the house.
Soon I will be settling down and getting life back to a place I feel confortable.

I am glad I made the move.
It is a very interesting experiance to be on your own and to know no-one.
I don't know of I like it but it is a place that les you figure out what is importnt to you.
And most importantly it help you to discover who you are, your weaknesses and strenghs.

I have multiple of both. I will try to keep my strenghs and work to remove my weaknesses. the never ending journey to perfection.
I don't want to be perfect, that would just be annoying.
But trying to get there, now that is a journey worth taking.

My road is long and sometimes I deliberatly back track.
But I have moved forward a long way recently and opened my self and my heart to so many options.

I know many things I did not before. My soul flys on winds of change, fueled by knowledge and acceptance.

There is comfort and sereity in acceptance.

And I have a quiet place in my soul that I recently found. I lost it again, but the knowledge that it is there keeps my searching.

This journey, search, it is my life. And I am enjoying life.

An Email

Hello all,

I write this sitting on a couch that is not my own in a room that is not mine watching a TV that I do not like.
Having said that.
I’m in Brisbane and I am enjoying my self.

It’s not like I have done much (he says as he thinks about it and that he has done a lot.)

Ok so the cat man came on Monday the 19th and took Alpha to the cattery. I was, and am not happy about this but it is about all I can do for him at the moment. I nearly had to push the guy out the door so that he did not see me cry. Even now I miss my little plonker.
Then on Tuesday four burley men turned up to remove all of my stuff. I packed 29 boxes, and still my TV, DVD player, VCR, speakers and computer still to be packed.
Ok I do have a lot of stuff, however 12 of those boxes are DVDs, books and CDs.
Approximately 250 DVDs, 250 books
And

910 CDs Wow (about $27000)
Who needs a house when you have 910 CDs.

Ok so my stuff had gone by about 12pm.
And I was left standing in an empty house, having not had a shower.
So shower I did and start driving.

I drove to Broken Hill. About 500km.
I got some Chinese for tea. It was Ok but I had my travelling stomach so I ate a lot of food. (and I have not felt great since, I started to feel Ok today but not quite good yet)
Then I decided to drive to Walgett.
And that is what I did.
About 200km from Walgett However I had a flat tyre. I was not a drastic flat (as in it did not explode) and I am not sure what caused the deflation.
So on the side of the road I was trying to change a tyre. Have you ever tried to change a tyre on soft soil. I now have. With the jack in the back of my car I had a foot print about 2 inches by 5 inches to try and raise a car on.
It didn’t work for me, I hope it works for you if you ever have to try it.
So I found a lump of wood, it was rounded on top, and I took a chance my placing my jack on top of it, it was the best I had.
I did have a moment why a truck roared past but my car stayed on the jack and I changed it safely.
The spare in my car is not a full size spare, it is a “space saver” I call it a “pizza cutter”
I drove at around 90km/h for the 200km left in the day. I felt like another 5 hour drive.
In Walgett I was hoping to get a new tyre, the next morning because I arrived at 5pm and all the stores were closed.
Dinner was in the Walgett RSL. I had a Chicken Snitzel.
Now normally RSLs do good food for cheapish prices. But this one was the exception. The snitzel was small, SMALL. AN RSL WITH A SMALL SNITZEL. Ok I didn’t need the food, but I would have eaten it.

The next morning was the first time I have even had a shower with a turtle.
But not the last.
Right now Nitchke sits in the bath in some cold(ish) water. I felt sorry for him and so I would have my warm shower and let this water heat him up.

The next day I went to the tyre place and the guy there was hung over. He was a nice guy though, and he found a tyre that would “get me going” because tyre size I had on my car was not ordinary (the word he used would not get through the profanity filter). But the tyre cost $80 for a tyre I would not ever use for more than 600km. A large waste of money that was very necessary. He told me of his night that caused him to be tired and hung over. He had had a night of Texas Hold’em Poker and drinking apparently the night had ended at about 2am. He was so happy because it felt a bit like civilisation, they had eaten camembert and sun dried tomatoes. His smile was so happy that it was a bit contagious ad I left there happy.
Which soon changed when I found my steering to be shot to bits.

The rest of the trip was fairly uneventful.
However the whole trip was filled with beautiful country side. It was continuously changing for the whole trip. And it was beautiful all the way. So beautiful.
What a wonderful country I live in.

So the trip was good. And photos will come.

I spent my first night in Brisbane watching cricket at the Gabba. I was happy to do this as it made the night bearable.

Saturday I sent getting lost around the streets of Brisbane, and looking at accommodation. My god there are a lot of dumps in Brisbane. I mean sh*tholes, real sh*tholes.
But I found one that I wouldn’t mind living in and applied for it today.
Sunday I spent the morning not spending money by walking along Southbank, the south side of the Brisbane river across from the city. I walked through the art gallery, and I mean walked through. It was just a path. I think I saw 2 pieces of art and even then I did not look at them.
The market was ok. Small but it was quite good quality.
I only got sunburnt a bit on the back of my neck, and it’s not too bad.
And Sunday afternoon I fell asleep on the couch, and woke up and decided to get ready for my first day.
Ironed my shirt and pants.
Polished my shoes.
Shaved.
And even did the washing up.

So my first day was short and long.
Short because we had a meeting that went from 9 till 11. And for the rest of the day I was not of busy getting stuff organised.
And long because you always have a long uncomfortable first day in a work place. It will get better and I will enjoy the work that it looks like I will be doing.

So that is all for now.
And that is enough.