Self Contemplation

The fluro light flickered on above his head as he moved into the kitchen. He needed light sometimes. Trying to make a sandwich in the dark was a hazardous prospect. Knives are sharp and luncheon meat is slippery.

Opening the fridge he sighed. He didn’t need this food, and realistically he knew this, but he had no will power to stop himself. This was why he was fat.
Well he thought he was fat, everyone else pretended he wasn’t but he knew he was.
He jiggled when he ran, and that was just wrong. He knew he needed an attitude adjustment to overcome his mental weakness, but once again will power stoped him. If only he was strong enough.

Closing the fridge door he had the loaf of bread in his hand. He would go back and get the butter and sauce. Should he finish up the Devon? He figured he would. It was too much for the two sandwiches he had planned on making, so he would just have to pile it on.

You fat bastard.

The thought rolled through his head as he made his “snack”. It would have been most people’s dinner, and a big one at that. But for him it was a snack. True dinner was quite small so maybe he could justify this to himself.
No. No he couldn’t. Not when he didn’t need the food.

You fat bastard.

It didn’t matter how many times he told himself he would still eat away, till the plate was clean. He couldn’t help himself. His parents had “taught” him too well. Trying to change the habit of a life time is very difficult.

Tomorrow he would try to start eating less. Even as he thought this he knew he wouldn’t. He just had too much time on his hands to try and stop eating. So get out of the house, but why when you liked being at home as much as he did. The home life suited him. He liked the gardening, and had bought his lounge for the specific reason that it was so comfortable.

Oh well. He wasn’t happy with his body shape, but he accepted it. He would continue to try and change his ways and maybe one day he would. He hoped so. He would try and find a gym and the motivation to go to it. He would find some sport and participate in it. He would do these things and he would see if he changed shape.

Perhaps one day he would.
Perhaps.